Being Naive

Well,I'm not much of a writer (or a poet) or whatever,but here's something I wrote a couple of days ago.True feelings,but momentary.

I don't know you,

But I want to.

You don't know me,

But you want to.

Or so you say.

For my sake?

I don't know why.

Its not been long.

But you're kind and loving.

You care-or so you say.

Should I believe you?

I wonder.

But you insist.

I want to.

Trust is my weakness

Something I give away too easily,

Even perhaps before I know it.

So maybe I do.

But for you,I can't be sure

But I want you to.

I need my time

To test the waters,

But you're already taking that too.

How do you expect me to live like this?

In a mystery.

Was it real for what I feel?

Was it real for what I think you feel?

I guess I'd never know.

My stomach churns to imagine you gone,

To which I have no explanation as to why.

Its been twice since we met,

Not much,but enough.

I'll miss you,

I want to say.

But how?I have no clue.

'Cos if it was fake on your side,

't would break my heart.

But if true,

Would shatter me to pieces.

There are no words I could rightly put on how I feel

Is it the same with you?

Or am I just too naive?

So...yes,I think that I am a freak after reading it all again.I don't know,it seemed good to me before.What do you think?As I said,I'm just naive.

Making Them Big,Making Them Happy.

I believe that making someone happy gives oneself  the pleasure that can't actually be explained with words.Sure we all love gloating about stuff we like,stuff we know about the world,the latest gossip,or anything for that matter that we know more than the others.We are eager to show off our knowledge,and we research every possible thing about it.In this way,when we are out there in front of people talking about it,we are sure and confident in what we are saying.It gives us a feeling of superiority when we see that we know more than the others,see them stand in awe.Its a human nature,somewhere or the other,we all feel the same.

      But sometimes,making someone else,your loved one, feel big;the big smile on their face when they explain 'their thing' is overwhelming.

          My best friend has a very strong vocabulary,writes stories and is excellent at it.So obviously,she's a little proud about it and sometimes doesn't realize that others can know complicated words too,which is funny.So that day her word of the day was 'genre' and she didn't expect me to know it (because most probably it was new to her).She asked me-"What's your favorite genre?"And she said genre with the proper accent.Something's fishy,I thought,because she had never ever used that word before.And by the look on her face,I could tell that she was ready to give me a full length explanation of that word.I wanted to smile but I didn't. So I just said, "Umm...what?"And this was enough  of her to launch into a full fledged explanation. And trust me,her eyes were literally shining the whole time.She seemed so happy to know that she knew something that  I didn't. And it made me happy to see her happy.

            So its not always a matter of competition.You can get to that later on.And its completely a different issue.Making yourself small to make someone happy is different.Its worth it.

      

Falling in Love Again

I'm so so so happy!Its been a long time,and my blog's finally crossed the mark of 100 pageviews!It just feels so good!

     Here's a poem I'd love to share with my loving audience as a symbol of regard for reading my blog.Its written by a friend of my friend.Its not related to my life and all,but I found it pretty sweet and I thought its a great opportunity to share something I like!Hope you like it too! :-)

      *FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN*

     On a busy everyday, 

     when I was on my way

      Moving on with life

after a heartbreak.

Feeling all so low

     I could have never known....

I would get past the pain

and fall in love again.

But then came an angel

to rescue me from hell.

I stared into his eyes and

was cast under his spell.

He stood by my side

when I needed a shoulder to cry.

He held my hand and told me

this is where I belong.

I rest my head on his chest

and whispered that I 

loved him to death.

I could no more feel the pain.

And I found myself to be falling in love again.

Being with You.

Yesterday was a very busy day for me,despite being a Sunday. And by the time of nightfall, I was dead tired and sleepy.But I couldn't get myself to sleep.I just ended up thinking about one thing-that I'm loosing everyone in my life.The process is very slow,but it is steady.I can feel it.

             I know that I keep my stuff to myself,I'm not one of the super-cool-super-talented girls,not am I extraordinarily pretty,but what do know is that I care.I didn't want to get attached to many people of my life,but I did.This was my sole reason to to keep myself,well, to myself.To be cold and hostile to people.But then I decided to break my shell.

            I know that I'm just another person to them, but they are not that to me.I consider them as my friends,deep inside my heart.I know that I'm nobody to them.I'm not the hard-core type,or philosophic,or anything.But I'm me,and I ain't gonna change that because well,if I change,then I simply won't be me.I'm ordinary,and the only thing that I can do the best is to care and feel.Too sad that its not something I can show off.

           Even though people may say that they are with you,they are not.Not unless they prove themselves to be.But you are there for yourself.You can truly understand yourself like no-one ever will.

The One.

Most people mix up infatuation with love.They say that they have found "The One",when,hey,they're just in the stalking phase.

        "Do you think he really 'likes' you?",I ask myself one day.He's been there for me,he's been the first one to be there for me."Or is it the other way round?Am I the one in love?"But soon,thankfully,I settled my messy thoughts.

        You can't be in love if just for a change you find that a person is good to you.The place we live in is a huge damn world with millions of people.Of this people,some may be cruel to you,some may be bitchy,some may be ignorant,but there are people who would be good to you,kind to you,and would care for you.So you can't always mistake the bump for 'love' ,because my dear people,you can't judge the end of the story by just reading its first chapter.

            Love is not the beginning of anything,nor is it the end.You won't have just that one person in life forever from the beginning. You can't decide the characters of your story(your life) before the beginning of the story.There will be several people who will enter your life.Some would be there right beside you,others would be back,waiting for you in the wings.But that doesn't mark that who is forever and who isn't.

          Many a times,in this journey called life,you'll face hiccups,you'll fall.At that time,you'll need support to stand up.You'll need courage.You'll need your loved ones for this.That won't make you weak,that will only strengthen you to face and understand the world,to know who is fake,and who is not.And by the end of the story,the person who had been there with you in all your falls,all your ups and downs,the person who helped you bear it all,(will be the person you expected the least to be), is The One.

Missing Him,Hating Him.

What do you do with the person you hate?Ignore them?Or make them feel inferior?

     Hatred,I believe,is truly a very strong emotion.How can one be truly sure whether whether he/she really hates a person or not?

     When I think of the person I hate,I feel sad.I miss the time I spent with him...I loved him.I,in my life,never ever believed that I could hate him,as I most probably do now.I feel anger burning the insides of me whenever someone mentions him.Heat burns behind my eyes and I end up crying.But yet,somehow,I cannot make out the reason behind my tears-is it hatred or is it because I miss him?

    For all I'm sure,I'm completely and absolutely detached from him.Something I would have never believed till what?,like,a year ago.Well,after all, it all started a year ago.

        I have no idea as to what do I do with my feelings now.What do people usually do to know what they really wanna do?What they truly feel?What do people do when they think that the person they 'might' be hating happens to be their own....father?

Someone In This world For You.

This year.....is proving itself to be quite eventful-different.I'm not used to being taken care of.Especially with what is going on around me.I know that my friends love me,no matter what.But they never ever got worried about my littlest things before knowing whats actually going on with me.Now,they do.Sometimes I think that all the concern should have existed even before them knowing everything.But I do believe that 'better late than never.'
         
             But there do exist people in around me who care,without actually truly knowing me.Quite wierd,huh?Two people I recently met through my best friend,they do.They care about the littlest things I do-or rather that I don't do.They get pissed,lecture me,give me warnings and then again get pissed at me.But the most important thing is that,they make me smile.They make me smile from my heart 'coz  no one has ever 'cared' so much for me.Well ya,except my mom.
 
         So maybe,MAYBE,this world isn't such a cold place after all.We shouldn't always worry about petty stuff like getting tensed as to why people treat us as if we were invisible,or why hasn't our best friend asked us how we are,because trust me,out there in this big wide world,there is someone who cares.You just gotta believe that.

All I Need To,Is Believe.

Promoted to Class 12.WOW.Feels big.My final year in my old dear school.The most important year.Nervous like hell.Nervous might be an understatement actually....Would I be able to survive through this all?I am really doubting myself now.
        
        Could I fit my studies,my passion for writing, and my designing practice,all in my schedule for the year?I just can't lag in any one of them.All of them are so damn important!
        
         I really should trust myself and my lazy ass,shouldn't I?And more than trusting,believing  in myself.'Coz if I won't,then who else ever would?

Too GOOD to be TRUE.

Whenever I'm not doing anything,I automatically think of him.He's not my boyfriend,or my brother as a matter of fact.He's my friend....or at least he says that he is. We've known each other since quite a while now and he's sweet to me.So...yea,it can be a crush. A super minor one, mind you.

So here's a thing.I have major trusting issues.I either trust a person completely or I don't at all.There's no mid way to it.And from what I've experienced,I've always trusted the wrong person.And so there's a part of me that believes that he will also leave me like everyone else did.

I've told him everything about me,my problems, short falls,and even about my trusting issues.I told him that I'm scared that he'd also leave me like everyone else did,so it'd be better if he did that now as I din't want him to be forced into any kind of stuff,but he told me that he never will.He'll always be there for me  and that I won't find an escape from him that easily.

He's all supportive and kind and sweet to me,and even was when he din't know me that well.A gentleman.But a part of me feels that all this is fake. Not his behavior, I'm hell as sure that he's a gentleman.But with whats between us.Our friendship.Like he doesn't want it.This doesn't feel real.

I might as well be imagining stuff because of all my losses.But more than the others,I don't trust myself.I cant trust my life.Nothing that good ever happen to me all of a sudden,then how can this?

YOU wanted her.

My pet dog,Candy,is 5 yrs now.I was not that fond of dogs before we adopted her,I liked them just fine.Neither did my mom want one as she didn't wanted to be the one to take care of Candy's petty things.But nevertheless,we got her because my sister wanted one.She love(s/d) them.To such an extent that I don't think I would ever understand.She is her 'mom' and I am her 'aunt'.And Candy's a total sweetheart,an un-trained and mischievous sweetheart.

My sister is kind of an introvert person,and so I never expected that so much love and affection actually existed in her.But I saw it all as Candy came over.I can't complain,as I fell in love with her too.That's the thing about dogs,they make you fall in love with them.

So until just a few month ago,we discovered lices in Candy's body.Numerous amount of them of every sizes(disgusting).And till a few days ago,they became too much for us to bear.Mom got her medicine for my sister to treat her with.But she didn't. My sister refused to take her into her room to sleep because 'she might dirty her room'.And as to what I was told,she even thought of abandoning her to the streets as Candy has now become 'un-hygenic'.What mother does that?

I was heart broken.She treated Candy like an untouchable.Poor fellow.But I was detemined,detemined to make her overcome the illness.I sat with her all day removing her lices.I bathed her.I did everything I could.

And now that she's in a better shape,my sister is crooning her!I'm like,seriously?Are you kidding me?YOU decided to abandon her.YOU were selfish to stay away from her and not help her.YOU begged mom to get her.YOU wanted her.